status log

  • 2026-02-25 thirteen storeys is good but i miss when tma was GREAT
  • 2026-02-25 yay im not gonna be unemployed!
  • 2026-02-14 i wish i could spend valentines day with col
  • 2026-02-14 bar with l+o was so nice. ended up staying out until 5am (!) and sleeping at l's
  • 2026-02-13 also, going out to a bar with some new friends tonight. i'm proud of myself
  • 2026-02-13 FRIDAY THE 13TH RAHHH
  • 2026-02-10 meeting up with a new friend today for lunch! nervous! excited! dressed cute
  • 2026-02-10 my heart always beats really fast in the morning. i wonder if its hypermobility related
  • 2026-02-07 tried the new rossi monster flavour with the cornflower coloured can, 6/10 it tastes like the other citrus ones
  • 2026-02-05 i've been googling my old friends lately
  • 2026-02-05 this blog is great for unedited posting to combat ocd
  • 2026-02-05 starting this blog. inspired by the amount of pain i'm in today

writing workshop

2026-02-07

today i went to the first event i've gone to since living here for two years. i am really proud of myself and i had a fucking incredible time. i really love it here and i genuinely feel so integrated now that i can't believe i didn't do this before. but i'm not going to be hard on myself because i'm doing it *now* and that is what matters. but i can't even explain the feeling right now, it's like wow, i'm an adult, i look so cool with my haircut and im going to events and i have my own life. i wrote a lot of my lacey story today at the meet up, it was a writing club, and i'm quite pleased with how that's turning out. i also went to the cafe after with people from the writing club even though i thought id jst go home since it was already an effort to go at all but i went to the cafe and it was amazing and i love these people.

i said this to my mom: "it was so nice to not worry about acting a certain way because all my interactions could contribute to my career etc like when i'm at work i always want to be impressive bc everything could be a connection. i could just be myself"

i dont think ive laughed that much in so long and i didn't focus on my face looking a certain way or not being loud and laughing and smiling a lot it was just natural and im so happy.

skating 2

2026-02-05

thinking about routines to fake plastic trees

skating

2026-02-05

i want to start ice skating again but i don't know if i'm well enough. there's a rink here that's only open for another month, so if i want to do it i need to do it now. i think i'll try to go this weekend. i was going to go to a craft event today but i woke up in too much pain and it's too cold outside.

recently i've been thinking a lot about ice skating. how i wish i hadn't stopped, how i pity myself being too sick to continue. i know i can always start again, and i want to. i want to compete in showcases and choreograph my own routines. i need skates here.

the skates are another thing. i considered getting black skates but i'm afraid to show my mom, if i do start skating again and send her videos. it would be easier socially to get white ones but i don't know how i'd feel on the ice. in ice dance practice with my friends, as a child, i always wanted to be the boy. i felt so much stronger as a skater, playing the boy. ice skating is still so gendered. i don't think i'd pairs skate again unless it's with a girl.